Buzzwords of 2008 (NYT article click on the box)

.offerings.

if i brought you an offering
a little red fish
or the lines on my pamls.

if i surrender my secret wishes
before an empty crowd.

if i went on a journey
in search for an old wise man
to tell me what would make you the happiest.

if i told lies and sold them as truth
and then wrapped them in a song
and declared all that i have done.

if i danced for fools
and kissed in vain just to forget you.

if i did all these things
just to keep you and then to lose you.

these are the offerings of a heart
that is sick with you.


by your's truly

We hear the beating of wings over Bethlehem and a light that is not of the sun or of the stars shines in the midnight sky. Let the beauty of the story take away all narrowness, all thought of formal creeds. Let it be remembered as a story that has happened again and again, to men of many different races, that has been expressed through many religions, that has been called by many different names. Time and space and language lay no limitations upon human brotherhood. ~New York Times, 25 December 1937,by Maud van Buren

Merry Christmas

everyone !

.

11:06 p.m.

i'm chilling at home waiting for my sister to arrive from the airport and listening to this.
delish ! just thought i would share.

Everything is new and unpredictable.

It's Sunday again. I like the renewel of things , new days, weeks and months. The seasons changing help forget and make things new. I appreciate the change in nature, it helps the psychology in my head, to see things die and reborn. Everything passes. This year is coming to an end, looking back I can see how I have changed a bit, how my heart has grown tired. I found and renewed friendships that I will be around for a long time. I can see how confused I could have been, how family is important. How happiness is not dependent on having a job. At the beginning of the year I started a very intense study of Faith, that went from reading to living it. I have spent most of this year in uncertainty, maybe a lesson that am being taught. I can see myself a little better than before, and I don't have the capacity to make sense of things. I still feel a little lost in all of this expirience.

I think the quiet of the snow makes me ponder.

Yesterday I realized in conversation, how I haven't been perceiveing things how they truly are, I make mistakes in my head. I want clarity, I want to see truth. I found that I'm wrong again.

i'm cold

how I wish it was you warming me.

(this is the last line of lyrics in the song MUCH FARTHER TO GO by Rosie Thomas, it's on the playlist, and it fit with what i was feeling at the time)

sunday walk

I walked to church today, I usually drive, it's a minute away but it's was so pretty outside plus I didn't want to shovel the drive way. I had to teach R.S. , I wasn't in the mood, I felt like taking the class outside and just have everyone admire the scenery, maybe had them answer questions like why does the snow glitter? and why is it so quiet, it makes one want to whisper? I love this weather, can you tell ? I'm beginning to feel like when summer is around, when I rather be outside and not inside wasting beauty. I think am a dreamer, I imagine all kinds of stuff, and if this magical scenery of white exists then unicorns are not far. Laugh at me if you like, I'm OK with it, in the words of Einstein " imagination is more important than knowledge"so there!

I have to report that R.S. lesson went very well. I'm always amazed and surprised of how well they turn out, I think it might have been the little prayer in my heart, that pleaded to Heavenly Father that I would say something worth while, something someone needed to hear. In these situations I'm more than happy to be used and even be a tool.

love this,

Priscilla Ahn- Dream

this one goes into the sountrack of my life.

A Lesson In cuddleing.

I don't need it ! believe you me. I stumble on this in the internet, it made me laugh. It's snowing outside, I have to admit that this weather makes me want to cuddle real bad.

How to Cuddle

from wikiHow - The How to Manual That You Can Edit

Cuddling is perfect for couples who want to be close but haven’t yet reached the kissing stage (such as middle-schoolers). It’s normal for older couples to cuddle, too. Cuddling is a way to show someone how much you care about them. It’s a romantic, relaxing way to let someone know you care, and an even better way to keep warm on a cold day.

Steps

Guys

1. Ask her if she wants to cuddle first. Put on a movie or something to keep her interested.
2. Make sure your breath smells good. Bad breath is a turn-off when you are several inches away from your cuddler's face. haha! the cuddler
3. Breathe through your nose, not your mouth.
4. Wrap your arms around her, as if trying to keep her warm and keep her close.
5. Run your fingers up and down her arm, or draw circles with your thumb. Do this gently, caressing her.
6. Squeeze all of your affection into her, but don't suffocate her. Just hold her tightly and make her feel wanted.
7. Nuzzle her neck, head, shoulders. Don't get creepy or act like an animal, just be loving and warm.
8. If you're at the kissing stage, peck her neck and the tips of her ears gently, or just breathe softly on her neck or ears.
9. Tickle her gently. Put your hands around her waist.
10. Stroke her hair softly.
11. Lightly run your hand up and down her leg. It's okay if you occasionally go a bit too high. WOW!!
12. It can go both ways. Lay your head against her shoulder. If you time it right, you may be able to slide down a bit.
13. If it's cold outside, lend her your jacket and hug her. But don't force her to wear your jacket.
14. Don't wear shirts with transfer designs on them—if she lays her head on your chest, they'll stick to her face. HA! HA!
    

Girls

1. Sit close to him.
2. Slowly take one of his hands and lace your fingers together. huh?
3. Rub his thumb with yours gently. why?
4. To get him to put his arm around you, sit up straight and nudge his shoulder.
5. Lower your head so it rests on his neck, chest, or shoulder, as if you were lying on a pillow.
6. If you want to, wrap your arm around his lower back or stomach.
7. Be affectionate. I thought that's what we were doing all along.
8. Be sure to let him know what a nice, soft, squishy pillow he makes.
9. Be playful. Poke him! He might poke back! If he does, it has the potential to become a wrestling match with a fairy tale kiss at the end! ohh brother
10. If he taps his finger and your hand is close to his, hold his hand.
11. If you're walking with him and his hands are still, try holding his hand while you walk so it won't be more awkward sitting down.
12. If his breath stinks, give him a mint. I think that's a little obvious and embarrassing.

Tips

• Be soft.
• Don't fidget -- just relax.
• Cuddling is best for movies (especially scary ones) or times when you have a lot of time to relax and enjoy it. It's best to save cuddling for times when you have longer than a few minutes together.
• Blankets make things cozier.
• Poking can lead to other things. hopefully ;)
  

Warnings

• Don't force it! If someone pulls away, they're not ready.
• You have to feel affection to cuddle with someone. Don't try to fake it, your partner can tell! a-ha! sure he can
• If something doesn't feel comfortable, fix it!
• If his/her breath stinks, don’t give them gum. It won’t fix their breath and it will only increase saliva. YUCK! Give them a mint, a polo for example. polo?
  
  Things you'll need
  
  * A partner Duh !
  * Affection lots of it ofcourse
  * A Rainy Day I would say this is a plus but not necessarily a need.
  * Mints (Or if all else fails...gum), you never know!
  

I wish i had written this...

if you haven't figured it out by now, I like poetry and lyrics. I make attempts at writing poetry. I wish I had written this one. They are the lyrics to a song by Leona Naess called Christmas. The song is on the playlist if you want to listen to it.

Words are falling from your lips like
Christmas to my hips
So dangerous the strangest feeling of being
I want willow trees and melodies and flowers counting
Hours till he's breathing leaving the rest behind

Cause I'm full of love

Like waves washes sands clean
And the sun sparkles meadows green

I want kisses and dresses
A late night message that cradles, halos me to sleep
Cause I'm full of love
Yeah I'm full of the above

Like a mother leaves her cubs astray
And a teacher leaves at the end of each day
I'll stay

So cover me but lover be patient
Love's ancient but not for me
Cause I'm full of love
Yeah I'm full of the above

Like Christmas stays with you
Walk through darkened streets as we lay true
Lights from your heart lead me to you

last Saturday

Last Saturday I was harassed at work by 4 women because I'm a 33 old virgin. Not exactly sure how it started but I became the joke in a room of 10 people. It was surreal, they laughed and laughed. I can give you details but I rather not. I could not believe these women. I asked them why they were being so mean, they could see I wasn't laughing. After work when I got to my car, the tears just rolled... I was so embarrassed and uncomfortable. I called my supervisor and told him what happened. Today they got talk to and warned.

I've had second doubts if I did the right thing. I was told that I did, because it's a form of sexual harassment. I don't care what religion you are or even if you believe in God, nobody should be made fun of because of what their personal choices are (as to sex or anything else that doesn't break the law of course), NOBODY. I think what hurt the most was that, they have no idea about my dating life and the reasons why I'm not married. I never thought I would get to be 33 and single, but this is the way it is right now. I have no regrets about my decisions to be celibate. Dating has not been easy for me, it's something that I think about a lot. I trust that at it's due time things will work out, but till then I do struggle with it. So when these women were telling me to go do it, because am losing time and it's (sex) not going to get better at 40, well that hurt.

I did learn something out of this ordeal. One should never give personal information, beliefs or views at work, it's good way to take care of yourself and from unwanted attention.

I feel like a Debbie Downer lately, I don't mean to be. I was happy to see snow today, the holidays are coming and it's going to be great with all my family here. So I'm looking forward to it and that makes me smile in the inside and the outside.

Reflections by Facundo Cabral

I saw an interview with Facundo Cabral, I couldn't get enough of him. Argentinian poet, singer and songwriter. I'm intrigued by his life , just a few things: he was given a job by Evita Peron by stopping her car on the street and asking for a job, was homeless for most of his childhood, his mother said this to him at the age of 9 "I can give you 2 gifts, one was to give you life and second to give you the freedom to live it" she sent him on his way after that.

I found this in the Internet, it has been translated, not sure if it has the same intensity it does in Spanish , here it is anyways. It's long....I know but it's worth sharing.

You are not depressed... just distracted, distracted of this life that populates in you. Distracted of the life that surrounds you, dolphins, forests, seas, mountains, rivers. Don't fall on what your brother fell on, who suffers due to a human being when there is more than 6,400 millions (according to google''s"world population"). Furthermore, it is not so bad to live alone. I have fun by deciding what I want to do at every moment and thanks to solitude, I know myself, which is constitutive for life.Don't fall in what your father felt, feeling old when he is sixty but forgets that Moses lead off the Exodus when he was eighty and Rubinstein played Chopin like no other when he was ninety, just to quote two renamed cases.You are not depressed, you are just distracted. That is why you think you have lost something, which is impossible since everything has been given to you. You didn't even make a hair on your head, therefore you cant be owner of nothing. Furthermore, life doesn't take things away from you but it relieves you....lightens you so you can fly higher to achieve plenitude. It is a school from the cradle to the grave,therefore, what you call problems are just lessons.You didn't lose anybody, the ones who passed away simply got ahead of us because we are just voyeurs headed in that direction. And, the best part of him, his love, will always stay in you heart.Who could say that Jesus is dead? There is no dead.. there is "moving". And on the other side there is great marvelous people: Gandhi, Miguel Angel, Whitman, St Agustin, Mother Theresa your grandpa and my mom among them, who believed poorness is closer to love since money distracts us with plenty of things and draws us apart since it makes us grow distrusted. Do whatever you love and you will be happy. Who does what he loves is blessedly condemned to success, which will arrive in the moment it must arrive since all that is to be will be, and will arrive naturally. Avoid doing things for obligation or engagement but for love. Then, you will reach plenitude and among all that plenitude anything will be possible with no effort, because it is moved by the natural force of life, the one that kept me going when the plane with my daughter and my wife felt down, the one that kept me alive when the doctors said I had only three or four months of life.God gave you the task of taking care of one human being, yourself. Only you will be able to make yourself free and happy. Only then you will be able to fully share your life with others. Remember these words: Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.Reconcile with yourself, sit in front of a mirror and think that the creature you see is a master piece of God, choose right now to be happy because happiness is an acquisition. Furthermore, happiness is not a right, but a duty because if you are unhappy, you will make unhappy everyone else around you. One single man without talent nor spunk to live, ordered the death of six millions of fellow Jews. There are so many things to enjoy and our journey in this land is so short that suffering is just a waste of time. We must learn to enjoy the coming snow, the spring flowers, the Perusa chocolate, the French baguette bread, the Mexican tacos, the Chilean wine, the Colombian coffee, the oceans, the rivers, the Brazilian football, the One Thousand and One Nights, books as the Divine Comedy, The Quixote or Pedro Paramo, romantic boleros by Manzanero, and for the intellectual poetry by Whitman, classical music by Mahler, Mozart, Chopin and Beethoven, paints by Rembrandt, Caravaggio, Velazquez, Picasso and Tamayo among other wonders.If you happen to have HIV or cancer, there is two things that could happen and both of them are good. If it beats you, it will liberate you from the bothersome body (I am hungry, I am cold, I am sleepy, I feel like..., I am right, I have doubts)... and, if you beat it,you will be humbled, more grateful...therefore you will be happy and pleased easily, relieved from any guilt, responsibility and vanity, ready to live every moment profoundly as it should be.You are not depressed, you are just unemployed. Help that child that needs you, that child who will be partners with your son. Help the elders so the youngsters will help you when you grow old. Remember that serving others is a certain happiness,like when you care for nature for those to come. Give without limits and you will receive much more than you expect. Love until you become the most loved, even more, until you become the pure essence of Love. Do not be confused by those few homiciders and suiciders. Goodness is bigger although you can see it because it is silent. A bomb makes more noise than a caressing but there are millions of caressings feeding life per each destroying bomb. Isn´t it worth it? If God had a freezer, He would have your picture on it; if He had a wallet, He would have your picture in it. He sends flowers to you every spring. He sends you a sunrise every morning. He is ready to listen every time you are willing to talk. He could live every place in the universe He likes but He chooses your heart. He is crazy about you!! Face it, my friend!! God never promised you days without pain; Laughter without sorrow,sun without rain but He did promise strength for your every single day,consolation to your tears and light in your way."When life gives you one thousand reasons for crying, show that you have one thousand and one reasons to brake into a smile".

Feeling blue.

Today all day long I felt a bit down, there are always reasons it seems like. Anyways I was looking on YOUTUBE for Odetta. She died today and NPR had a profile on her, I was curious to see some of her stuff. In my little research I enter BLUES (cause it's the best kinda music when you are blue) on the search box thingy and this is one of the first videos that came up. Made no sense to me but I watched it anyways.

These are the moments that make me think that someone is watching over me and they have a sense of humor, I was laughing pretty hard, I was blue no longer.

Persepolis

This past weekend I found a good deal on a copy of Persepolis. I was so freakin excited. If you haven't seen it, you should!, it won an Oscar for animation earlier this year. It's a biography of the artist Marjane Satrapi growing up in Iran. Here is the trailer for it:

Jonny Cash Thanksgiving Thankfullness.

give it a minute okay.

i'm a lover

I'm tired and sleepy, and it's late. I had to get these things out now that they are still fresh in me. I went to see Twilight tonight, I liked it very much. I haven't felt this way in a long, very long time. I haven't seen a movie that has reminded me of past feelings this way. Not sure what did it, yes it's a love story and yes it has it's romantic moments, but that's not it. I think it might have been an over all feeling between the 2 main characters, their dialogue maybe. I found myself agreeing and almost felt like the Bella was mimicking me. I had forgotten how intense I once loved. How it's possible to love someone with so much certainty and honestly, without doubt. How one could and would love that they would give up everything, even their life for that person, and never let them go, because being a part doesn't make sense. I want that, I have felt that, so I know am capable of it. It's nice to remember. I will not settle for anything else than that kind of love. The word gets thrown around a lot, I've seen situations called love, when they were not. I have my own ideas, I have learned a lot in 14 years of dating, mostly about myself and what am capable off. I want to love that way, who doesn't? who doesn't want to surrender to it, given the opportunity.
To some of you this might all sound very sappy and foolish. But I'm honest, and I don't mind sounding sappy for the sake of honesty. I'm a lover. I want the best kind and sweetest of loves, and I won't make any apologies for it. It was nice to remember and to know what my heart is and has been capable off. I will see the movie again a 2nd and 3rd time most likely, as many as it takes.

Flat Stanley

We received Stanley in the mail. He came from Miami, Florida he was created by my 6 year nephew. Stanley is traveling to many places so we had to take him out and take pictures of his little adventure here in Utah. So my parents and I did the deed. Here are some of the pictures:

We had a funny time taking Stanley around, he almost got eaten by a goat, and attacked by an angry roaster. Stanley got put in the mail yesterday so he's on his way back to sunny Florida.

is it?

1. sign
   Pronunciation: \ˈsīn\
   Function: noun
   1 a: a motion or gesture by which a thought is expressed or a command or wishmade known b: signal c: a fundamental linguistic unit that designates an object or relation or has a purely syntactic function d: one of a set of gestures used to represent language ; also : sign language
   2 a mark having a conventional meaning and used in place of or to represent a complex notion

Oh James!

I went to see the new James Bond movie last night with my friend Mykel. This is one of the scenes. I don't really remember what the dialogue was, she said something about being mad at herself, while he kissed her back. Whatever it was exactly... it inspired Mykel and I to look at each other and without hesitation and with much infatuation say " I LOVE HIM ". After that we giggled at our coincidental out burst. I think we wished we were the red head London girl named Fields ( but only on this scene cause she gets killed later ).

today's random conversation

this happen today at work.
Samy: when I first heard your name it sounded like a stripper name....
me: really??
Samy: yeah, like Mercedes, you know..
me: ha? I've never been told that before... I want to get paid like a stripper.
then we both laughed and I continued on my merry way.

the story between your fingers.

the story between your fingers

was told at night, in a quiet room

with sighs and whispers.

when can you say it? when will your tongue unleash?

words are distracting i know.

but there's something i haven't told you

my problems are called you

that's why i seem indifferent just to feel a little more secure.

i have no idea how it happen

and it seems to me a little dangerous to tell you about the sweeteness

it surpasses the logic in my head.

all i know is that am here.

against wind and currents i move.

what else can i do? when the heart knows, who can tell it NO?

So tell, tell me the story

the one your fingers have told my face

the one your eyes have told my eyes

the one i alleady know.

by fabiola alejandra labra.

Where did it go? (a love story with a happy ending)

I'm going to tell you a little story. How a girl loved a boy very much, and they were the best of friends, best friends. She lived far from him, but decided to move back home were she would be close to him. After all that, he broke her heart and so she moved on. Months later much later, he came back into her life. Now they are still friends, and like each other still, but there is no love. This girl loved him no more. Now she wonders were did the love go, how could she cry and hurt for so long? was it all spent ? did it die?. She looks for it when she looks at him, but is not there. She tried to find it several times and she never could. She asks herself if it was ever love? She thought it was, she would have done anything for it. Now she is happy and content, knows that her heart doesn't keep that love anymore. The question is how the heart changes?, how it knows and then it doesn't ?

where am I

Have you ever stood out in the ocean in one place and 10 minutes later you're not in the same spot. The current slowly and softly pushed you along and now you stand in a different place. I feel that way, don't know how it happened but it's a good thing I can get back on track.

I didn't vote for him.

I'm sure bloggers everywhere are writing about the same thing, well so am I. History was made last night, first Black president was elected. Even though I didn't vote for him, it's pretty cool that I'm around to see it happened. I can tell my kids about it. I'm not a hater, I think is wonderful that we can all make our own choices and are free to do so. I hope Obama does a good job and goes down in history as a great president, this country needs it. My friend Robin (happens to be black) and I talked about it this morning...I gave her a big old hug. I know how much it meant to her and her family, and maybe that's what we all need right now, not just a change but acceptance. I'm still proud to be American even with a democratic president, I have faith that we will be allright because I know who really is in charge ;)

Distraction

There are too many distractions, I would say one is more than enough, but now-days text messaging, facebook, dating websites are just the common ones. How do people ever get to know each other, even to get married. I feel like I can't compete with all of it, with the millions of girls on facebook. I think we are not taking the time to get to know people, to talk to them, to be present with them when they are with us. To see them for who they really are, their likes, their passions and what makes them tick, these things take time.
I'm a one on one person, I like it that way. I like intimacy, I like to feel connected , and if I can't then I move on. I'm tired of the walls, the pre-judgements, the fears. I don't want to miss on making a friend because I was to busy scoping the so called "good looking cool people" in a room. I 'm tired of the grass is greener attitude, we have such little attention spans that, it seems like we need constant stimulation.
I think is pretty amazing when you can be with someone and not feel like you have to do or say anything, but just enjoy their presence, maybe even hear their heart beating. I can't compete, I won't , I'm just me. I hope and pray, that with all the technology advancing people will get burn out and go back to enjoy BEING with each other.

There is no substitute to being in your presence and taking in all of you.

Ray Lamontagne

I went to see him in concert this past Tuesday, I've never been so lucky....destiny sat me in VIP section to watched the entire concert, the opening act Leona Naess and then ofcourse Ray. I sat by myself and have never been so content at a concert, from my view the lights and stage were magical , I felt serenaded sitting in my balcony. Thank you Universe!

I have to add: Ray Lamontagne left his job at a shoe factory after hearing a song by Stephen Hills and decided to pursue music. As I sat and watched him played I thought about this. I was so grateful he left the shoe factory, that he had the courage to follow his heart. And mostly that he believed in himself..... so I and others could here him sing.

What the Bleep to We Know?

I was sick yesterday , so sitting at home feeling miserable and with the sniffles, I started concocting a plan. A master plan, to change things.... in my head mostly. I decided to watch " what the Bleep do we know" ( click the link to see it for free) , It had been recommended by a friend, and finally i had the time to see it. It's a documentary on Quantum Physics and how thoughts affect our reality, kinda like the Secret but more scientific. I found it to be so interesting. It fit perfectly with my new plan. I 'm still putting it together, but changes are coming....good ones, REALLY good ones. Is time for this lady to put her house in order. Check out the movie, If you have an open mind.... it's worth your time. Might just change the way you think about thoughts.

the girl in the movie.

I'm a thinker, my mind feels at home wondering, not dreaming, but pondering on life. I like to watch people, I imagine what their life is like. The people they love, what home is like for them, their desires and disappointments. I like to observe from a far. As I do this my heart loves, life manifest itself in this person I'm looking at, it's beautiful. Sometimes I like to think I'm the main character in a movie and as I move through my day, there's a song playing in the background. I'm a single girl, trying to figure out her life, she's been heart broken a few times but still believes in love and in that there's a place for her. She's in transition. Thinking about this makes me smile, who says I'm not the main character of this story with a great soundtrack following me around, are n' t you?

picture time

my weekend, 3 concerts (Fleet Foxes, Kaki King, and Symphony) and a hike to Mt. Olympus.

People like to call me...

• Fabs
• Faby
• Fabio
• Fabiolita
• Fabio nation
• Nation
• Fabuska
• Fabrina
• Fabonoscopy
• Big Ripper
• Ravioly
• Fabulous
• Fabola
• Fayola
• Fabiolicious
• Cebolla

yup! it's true...

Bon Iver

One more thing....Bon Iver, so far this is my favorite album this year, I can't imagine that I'll have another favorite, not in the next 3 months. I just have to say, that as cheesy as it sounds I haven't been moved by music like this in a while, the whole entire thing is amazing. I can only be grateful for what happened to this man, for him to be able to write and express so many feelings and emotions. Some may think is sad music, but it sets my souls free. So i just needed to share that, there's one song on my playlist, maybe it will touch you that way it has me, then again it may not.

Addicted.

It's 8:00 o'clock and am fidgety. I'm always fidgety seems like. I hate Facebook, well I love it but then I hate it. It can be so addicting, and makes me feel like a stalker sometimes. I think there might be too much connections and information. The status updates kill me...sure they can be informative but sometimes the are just plain retarded, who cares? what your eating right now or sometimes they just brag about themselves, a call to the Universe that their EGO needs some attention, my status right now says " FABIOLA is not Hawaiian"...It makes no sense,except if your looking at my profile picture, which I have posted on here. Facebook is the perfect setting for drama...oh my so much of it, you can see the events your friends are going to and the ones which you are not invited, people declare all kinds of things with their pictures without saying a word, which I can make stories and stories with my own conclusions...I'm good at making stories specially tragic ones. Yeah, Facebook is a world of it's own, but not really, it can show you how great someone life is, with tons of pictures of the things they are doing, places, friends, foods and crazy events. But it could all be a show, a show to the world... of how cool they are, while they really sit at home lonely playing with photoshop and making their picture's look like life is so colorful. Maybe am being dramatic, but how much is this reality... It's one more thing to distract us from real connections with people and even ourselves. I'm addicted to it , I think. I guess it's a love hate thing. I'm certainly feeling like I need a break from it.

Cholitas Luchadoras

I really want to see this live....guess I need to go to Bolivia to see it

The summer has been good to me.

It has! One of the happiest summers in a very long time. I made new friends and a collection of fun memories with places, scents and sounds.

I'm excited to welcome the fall, it's probably the most romantic time for me, but I will not forget you summer. You have changed me.
The pictures above are from the last few weeks, Wilco, Mountain Man Rendezvous (WY.),family BBQ not in any particular order.

Days are going.

The days are going so fast. I feel I need more hours in the day, so much I want to do. I'm starting to get the feeling again, the one that send me to Boise for 10 months . I feel like am in the verge of change again. Maybe am just paranoid. I feel like am waiting for something to happened. This whole year i been trying to get a permanent job. I have worked altogether about 3 months. I couldn't believe it but is true. I guess things do need to change and change will come. I could get upset about how my life since last October has been unstable, and believe me at times I have, but I choose to be optimistic, and accept "WHAT IS". Acceptance has brought me unexpected tranquility. This summer has been a very happy one for me, even without a job. But am ready for whatever is coming, am not longer going to pout and reject what life has in store. I welcome it.

how sweet it is?

days and nights

songs and lyrics

summer and fall

the crickets sing and I'm wide awake

So where does a friendship starts and where does it end.?
When does love begin after being friends, when does it die and continues to be friendship?
There is a difference between friendship and love, romantic love.
I think is time for me to make the difference actuality.

Meir Woods, love this picture. July 2008

Byron.

Lord Byron is one of my favorite poets. Not sure why, I first heard of him in high school. I was so intrigued by him, that I researched and read all about his life, and not because I had to for school. Maybe the fact that he was so attractive or that he had a so called love relationship with Percy Shelly (another poet I also like), or that he was lame or his troubled relationship with is mother. It doesn't matter, it was all so romantic to me, and not in the chocolates and candy kinda way, but in a seducing kind (which for me does not in-tell chocolates,candy or expensive dinners). He did write Don Juan after all.
Here is one of his poems.

WE'LL GO NO MORE A-ROVING

O, we'll go no more a-roving
So late into the night,
Though the heart be still as loving,
And the moon be still as bright.

For the sword outwears its sheath,
And the soul wears out the breast,
And the heart must pause to breathe,
And love itself have a rest.

Though the night was made for loving,
And the day returns too soon,
Yet we'll go no more a-roving
By the light of the moon.

i'm not a writer.

yeah! am not. I'm an artist. So this is warning to all of you grammar/spelling/ i have a hissy fit with punctuation people. I try.. really, I even hit the spell check, I have 2 languages in my little brain Spanish and English and they like to play little games in my head. I also make up words in Spanish, not on purpose of course, but it's been a source of entertainment that has brought many laughs to my parents. They usually laugh at me , imitate my voice and then latter correct me. All I do is lift my shoulders and laugh with them. So getting back to my warning, or apology , which ever you like. Am not an expert in the English language or the Spanish , but i do have double the amount of words you have in your brain, so bear with me if am not to par with your grammar or spelling. I also am, a free spirit that doesn't like to many rules (it's pretty amazing I do belong to a religion) or regulations when it comes to expressing myself. Sometimes I just write what sounds good to me, well in Spanish that usually how one writes....there are no ghost letters. One last addition to the mix is my ADD or ADHD, dyslexia and well there you have it...So there it is, be patient and flexible with me as i try to get my point across, ok...ok thank you! very muchy

UPDATE: I do have to add that I welcome corrections, I like to learn from my mistakes...so please let me know, graciously Fabiola.

Ella

This past weekend I got to spend sometime with one of my nieces in Colorado. Her name is Ella and she is almost 2 years old. She is so sweet ,really! She never gets tired of smiling. I so want to be like that. Here are some pictures of her. Oh and she's good with the computer too.

I like lyrics

I like lyrics...a lot, poetry too.
I'm one of those people that listens to the words in songs. I can be completely inspired by a line in a song and write a poem about it or just open a whole dialogue in my head (one that can go on for hours, take a break and then come back)

There's a line in a song that lately i been thinking about "Isn`t it time you got over how fragile you are..."
It was a little wake up call...yeah isn't it time...enough all ready.

I'm in a great place in my life, things are not perfect but I am happy.
Not for any reason other than an realization of peace....inner content-ness...A few weeks ago, i had this excitement inside of me. I can't describe it, just happy i guess and I could see some of my friends were a bit sad...like an underling sadness ...it was beautiful to me. Why ? because it's life and that is part of it.
We all can get so sucked into our little worlds, we forget to breath, it's beautiful cause we are alive, we do feel and we are not numb. Insecurities and fears, troubles and loneliness...its all true cause we feel it, it's real. But, if we can just be OK with being OK, with being fragile and then getting over it. SO what! that we had a broken heart, so what we are not there yet, so what !....it's time...it really is..to be here at this moment and take it all in and accept it for what it is. I think the moment we get out of ourselves, that moment we start just being who we really are....and loving all of it, the good the bad and the ugly, then we are then not so fragile. When I say getting over ourselves I mean looking outside of our own perspective, taking off those horse blinder's and seeing everything else, maybe even laughing about it.

I love little kids they are so wise...they want to be strong and tough, they love super heroes and believe in the impossible... They are not fragile, but brave and adventurous (at least most kids are) and the best part of them is that they are so forgiving. No wonder we are told to be like little children they get it and get over it.

Life is not out to get us, we make ourselves fragile to it.
It's time to stop being so hurt and wounded. It's time to get up and get over it.
So it's OK you are not liked, it's OK that things don't work out, it's OK that we make mistakes, it's not the end of you and certainly not the end of life,.

So thank you Miss Anna Nalick...i got it, by the way the song is called " Shine" and the chorus says " shine away".Please do, shine and be who you are (which is not a fragile wounded soul)
I guess I am speaking from experience and being fragile doesn't work for me anymore, it hasn't for a while...I choose to befriend life, with whatever it has to bring. So bring it!

Uh! that reminds me a friend this past weekend passed something someone had told her, she said "EVERYTHING IN LIFE IS A GIFT, EVERYTHING " (that includes all of it)... wow! blew my mind. I'm keeping that one, I'm watering it, giving it some sun and keeping it alive.

so here i go

I've had this blog for a few years now..and I mostly posted poems (usually inspired by a heartbreak )and pictures. I have only shared it with a a few friends and my sister, but now I'm ready to go public and write more about what is going on with me. Maybe it's a desire to put it out in the universe or something like that or maybe a subconscious wish to change things a bit. I like to change things often actually, is fun for me to see what comes of it and what it attracts. This summer has been a great a example of that ,some many fun and new things have appeared and i have enjoy all of it. A few years ago when i turned 30 i started rock climbing and country swing dancing. I hated country for so many years but dancing got me into it, and now I love it, even if am not very good. I would have never done it in a millions years but i decided why not? why not try something tacky like line dancing and make a complete fool of myself trying to do the boot scoot boogie. I now am a fan of country and swinging to it. I've had a good time doing it and it made me braver (going to a club all by myself and dancing with strangers)

So in my attempt to change things (i guess I'm conscious now) i will post more often... i made a list the other day of little changes i will and have been making :

-listen to up beat music (i tend to like sad music), I'm changing everything on my ipod
-write on my blog ha!
-wear a necklace (i tend not to wear jewelry which is weird cause i make lots of necklaces)
-wear my glasses more often ( yes i have glasses, but don't wear them to often, is a very tiny prescription)

-read more non-fiction ( usually tend to read self help books)

-gratitude journal ( i have to start again to write 5 things am grateful for every night before I go to bed) is not easy let me tell you

-change my ring on my phone and clean out my contacts

-rearrange my room, i took down all pictures and drawings of single personas and changed then for multiples and couples , at the advice of my feng shui book, this is supposed to reflect that one is not a lone, but surrounded by people.
-invite people to be my friend on facebook, i tend to wait for someone else to invite

-wear more skirts (they are much more cooler than shorts)

these may seem very insignificant changes...but they do work, sometimes "great things come from small things" plus is easier to make little changes than big ones right?!....try it sometime take the long way home, try a different kind of ice cream, listen to music you wouldn't usually listen too, open yourself to doing things a bit different, i think you'll be surprised. It's so great we have the choice and freedom to change things , and be a complete different person, from our clothes to how we eat...

I love it.

If.....

if i'm like wine getting better with age.

if i anchor my heart in your oceans.

if right choices gave instant happiness.

if love didn't torture the mind.

if i couldn't change with the seasons.

if all was said and done,the world with

stop.....all of this would end.....but it doesn't, love, change, choices, time never stop.......

letter from ansel adams to cedric

Ansel Adams: Dear Cedric. A strange thing happened to me today. I saw a big thundercloud move down over Half Dome, and it was so big and clear and brilliant that it made me see many things that were drifting around inside of me; things that relate to those who are loved and those who are real friends. For the first time I know what love is; what friends are; and what art should be. Love is a seeking for a way of life; the way that cannot be followed alone; the resonance of all spiritual and physical things...Friendship is another form of love -- more passive perhaps, but full of the transmitting and acceptances of things like thunderclouds and grass and the clean granite of reality. Art is both love and friendship and understanding: the desire to give. It is not charity, which is the giving of things. It is more than kindness, which is the giving of self. It is both the taking and giving of beauty, the turning out to the light of the inner folds of the awareness of the spirit. It is a recreation on another plane of the realities of the world; the tragic and wonderful realities of earth and men, and of all the interrelations of these. Ansel.

Antelope island

Lyrics to SAY - John Mayer

Take out of your wasted honor
Every little past frustration
Take all of your so called problems
Better put them in quotations
Say what you need to say

Walkin like a one man army
Fightin with the shadows in your head
Living out the same old moment
Knowing you’d be better off instead If you could only
Say what you need to say

Have no fear for giving over
You better know that in the end its better to say too much
Than to never to say what you need to say again
Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is brokenEven as the eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide openWhy?
Say what you need to say

Sonnet of the Sweet Complaint - Federico Garcia Lorca

Never let me lose the marvel
of your statue-like eyes, or the accent
the solitary rose of your breath
places on my cheek at night.

I am afraid of being, on this shore,
a branchless trunk, and what I most regret
is having no flower, pulp, or clay
for the worm of my despair.

If you are my hidden treasure,
if you are my cross, my dampened pain,
if I am a dog, and you alone my master,

never let me lose what I have gained,
and adorn the branches of your riverwith leaves of my estranged Autumn