December 28, 2008


if i brought you an offering
a little red fish
or the lines on my pamls.

if i surrender my secret wishes
before an empty crowd.

if i went on a journey
in search for an old wise man
to tell me what would make you the happiest.

if i told lies and sold them as truth
and then wrapped them in a song
and declared all that i have done.

if i danced for fools
and kissed in vain just to forget you.

if i did all these things
just to keep you and then to lose you.

these are the offerings of a heart
that is sick with you.

by your's truly

December 25, 2008

We hear the beating of wings over Bethlehem and a light that is not of the sun or of the stars shines in the midnight sky. Let the beauty of the story take away all narrowness, all thought of formal creeds. Let it be remembered as a story that has happened again and again, to men of many different races, that has been expressed through many religions, that has been called by many different names. Time and space and language lay no limitations upon human brotherhood. ~New York Times, 25 December 1937,by Maud van Buren
Merry Christmas
everyone !

December 22, 2008

11:06 p.m.

i'm chilling at home waiting for my sister to arrive from the airport and listening to this.
delish ! just thought i would share.

December 21, 2008

Everything is new and unpredictable.

It's Sunday again. I like the renewel of things , new days, weeks and months. The seasons changing help forget and make things new. I appreciate the change in nature, it helps the psychology in my head, to see things die and reborn. Everything passes. This year is coming to an end, looking back I can see how I have changed a bit, how my heart has grown tired. I found and renewed friendships that I will be around for a long time. I can see how confused I could have been, how family is important. How happiness is not dependent on having a job. At the beginning of the year I started a very intense study of Faith, that went from reading to living it. I have spent most of this year in uncertainty, maybe a lesson that am being taught. I can see myself a little better than before, and I don't have the capacity to make sense of things. I still feel a little lost in all of this expirience.

I think the quiet of the snow makes me ponder.

Yesterday I realized in conversation, how I haven't been perceiveing things how they truly are, I make mistakes in my head. I want clarity, I want to see truth. I found that I'm wrong again.

December 17, 2008

i'm cold

how I wish it was you warming me.

(this is the last line of lyrics in the song MUCH FARTHER TO GO by Rosie Thomas, it's on the playlist, and it fit with what i was feeling at the time)

December 14, 2008

sunday walk

I walked to church today, I usually drive, it's a minute away but it's was so pretty outside plus I didn't want to shovel the drive way. I had to teach R.S. , I wasn't in the mood, I felt like taking the class outside and just have everyone admire the scenery, maybe had them answer questions like why does the snow glitter? and why is it so quiet, it makes one want to whisper? I love this weather, can you tell ? I'm beginning to feel like when summer is around, when I rather be outside and not inside wasting beauty. I think am a dreamer, I imagine all kinds of stuff, and if this magical scenery of white exists then unicorns are not far. Laugh at me if you like, I'm OK with it, in the words of Einstein " imagination is more important than knowledge"so there!
I have to report that R.S. lesson went very well. I'm always amazed and surprised of how well they turn out, I think it might have been the little prayer in my heart, that pleaded to Heavenly Father that I would say something worth while, something someone needed to hear. In these situations I'm more than happy to be used and even be a tool.

December 13, 2008

love this,

Priscilla Ahn- Dream

this one goes into the sountrack of my life.

A Lesson In cuddleing.

I don't need it ! believe you me. I stumble on this in the internet, it made me laugh. It's snowing outside, I have to admit that this weather makes me want to cuddle real bad.

How to Cuddle

from wikiHow - The How to Manual That You Can Edit

Cuddling is perfect for couples who want to be close but haven’t yet reached the kissing stage (such as middle-schoolers). It’s normal for older couples to cuddle, too. Cuddling is a way to show someone how much you care about them. It’s a romantic, relaxing way to let someone know you care, and an even better way to keep warm on a cold day.



  1. Ask her if she wants to cuddle first. Put on a movie or something to keep her interested.
  2. Make sure your breath smells good. Bad breath is a turn-off when you are several inches away from your cuddler's face. haha! the cuddler
  3. Breathe through your nose, not your mouth.
  4. Wrap your arms around her, as if trying to keep her warm and keep her close.
  5. Run your fingers up and down her arm, or draw circles with your thumb. Do this gently, caressing her.
  6. Squeeze all of your affection into her, but don't suffocate her. Just hold her tightly and make her feel wanted.
  7. Nuzzle her neck, head, shoulders. Don't get creepy or act like an animal, just be loving and warm.
  8. If you're at the kissing stage, peck her neck and the tips of her ears gently, or just breathe softly on her neck or ears.
  9. Tickle her gently. Put your hands around her waist.
  10. Stroke her hair softly.
  11. Lightly run your hand up and down her leg. It's okay if you occasionally go a bit too high. WOW!!
  12. It can go both ways. Lay your head against her shoulder. If you time it right, you may be able to slide down a bit.
  13. If it's cold outside, lend her your jacket and hug her. But don't force her to wear your jacket.
  14. Don't wear shirts with transfer designs on them—if she lays her head on your chest, they'll stick to her face. HA! HA!


  1. Sit close to him.
  2. Slowly take one of his hands and lace your fingers together. huh?
  3. Rub his thumb with yours gently. why?
  4. To get him to put his arm around you, sit up straight and nudge his shoulder.
  5. Lower your head so it rests on his neck, chest, or shoulder, as if you were lying on a pillow.
  6. If you want to, wrap your arm around his lower back or stomach.
  7. Be affectionate. I thought that's what we were doing all along.
  8. Be sure to let him know what a nice, soft, squishy pillow he makes.
  9. Be playful. Poke him! He might poke back! If he does, it has the potential to become a wrestling match with a fairy tale kiss at the end! ohh brother
  10. If he taps his finger and your hand is close to his, hold his hand.
  11. If you're walking with him and his hands are still, try holding his hand while you walk so it won't be more awkward sitting down.
  12. If his breath stinks, give him a mint. I think that's a little obvious and embarrassing.


  • Be soft.
  • Don't fidget -- just relax.
  • Cuddling is best for movies (especially scary ones) or times when you have a lot of time to relax and enjoy it. It's best to save cuddling for times when you have longer than a few minutes together.
  • Blankets make things cozier.
  • Poking can lead to other things. hopefully ;)


  • Don't force it! If someone pulls away, they're not ready.
  • You have to feel affection to cuddle with someone. Don't try to fake it, your partner can tell! a-ha! sure he can
  • If something doesn't feel comfortable, fix it!
  • If his/her breath stinks, don’t give them gum. It won’t fix their breath and it will only increase saliva. YUCK! Give them a mint, a polo for example. polo?

    Things you'll need

    * A partner Duh !
    * Affection lots of it ofcourse
    * A Rainy Day I would say this is a plus but not necessarily a need.
    * Mints (Or if all else fails...gum), you never know!

December 11, 2008

I wish i had written this...

if you haven't figured it out by now, I like poetry and lyrics. I make attempts at writing poetry. I wish I had written this one. They are the lyrics to a song by Leona Naess called Christmas. The song is on the playlist if you want to listen to it.

Words are falling from your lips like
Christmas to my hips
So dangerous the strangest feeling of being
I want willow trees and melodies and flowers counting
Hours till he's breathing leaving the rest behind

Cause I'm full of love

Like waves washes sands clean
And the sun sparkles meadows green

I want kisses and dresses
A late night message that cradles, halos me to sleep
Cause I'm full of love
Yeah I'm full of the above

Like a mother leaves her cubs astray
And a teacher leaves at the end of each day
I'll stay

So cover me but lover be patient
Love's ancient but not for me
Cause I'm full of love
Yeah I'm full of the above

Like Christmas stays with you
Walk through darkened streets as we lay true
Lights from your heart lead me to you

December 8, 2008

last Saturday

Last Saturday I was harassed at work by 4 women because I'm a 33 old virgin. Not exactly sure how it started but I became the joke in a room of 10 people. It was surreal, they laughed and laughed. I can give you details but I rather not. I could not believe these women. I asked them why they were being so mean, they could see I wasn't laughing. After work when I got to my car, the tears just rolled... I was so embarrassed and uncomfortable. I called my supervisor and told him what happened. Today they got talk to and warned.
I've had second doubts if I did the right thing. I was told that I did, because it's a form of sexual harassment. I don't care what religion you are or even if you believe in God, nobody should be made fun of because of what their personal choices are (as to sex or anything else that doesn't break the law of course), NOBODY. I think what hurt the most was that, they have no idea about my dating life and the reasons why I'm not married. I never thought I would get to be 33 and single, but this is the way it is right now. I have no regrets about my decisions to be celibate. Dating has not been easy for me, it's something that I think about a lot. I trust that at it's due time things will work out, but till then I do struggle with it. So when these women were telling me to go do it, because am losing time and it's (sex) not going to get better at 40, well that hurt.
I did learn something out of this ordeal. One should never give personal information, beliefs or views at work, it's good way to take care of yourself and from unwanted attention.
I feel like a Debbie Downer lately, I don't mean to be. I was happy to see snow today, the holidays are coming and it's going to be great with all my family here. So I'm looking forward to it and that makes me smile in the inside and the outside.

December 4, 2008

Reflections by Facundo Cabral

I saw an interview with Facundo Cabral, I couldn't get enough of him. Argentinian poet, singer and songwriter. I'm intrigued by his life , just a few things: he was given a job by Evita Peron by stopping her car on the street and asking for a job, was homeless for most of his childhood, his mother said this to him at the age of 9 "I can give you 2 gifts, one was to give you life and second to give you the freedom to live it" she sent him on his way after that.
I found this in the Internet, it has been translated, not sure if it has the same intensity it does in Spanish , here it is anyways. It's long....I know but it's worth sharing.

You are not depressed... just distracted, distracted of this life that populates in you. Distracted of the life that surrounds you, dolphins, forests, seas, mountains, rivers. Don't fall on what your brother fell on, who suffers due to a human being when there is more than 6,400 millions (according to google''s"world population"). Furthermore, it is not so bad to live alone. I have fun by deciding what I want to do at every moment and thanks to solitude, I know myself, which is constitutive for life.Don't fall in what your father felt, feeling old when he is sixty but forgets that Moses lead off the Exodus when he was eighty and Rubinstein played Chopin like no other when he was ninety, just to quote two renamed cases.You are not depressed, you are just distracted. That is why you think you have lost something, which is impossible since everything has been given to you. You didn't even make a hair on your head, therefore you cant be owner of nothing. Furthermore, life doesn't take things away from you but it relieves you....lightens you so you can fly higher to achieve plenitude. It is a school from the cradle to the grave,therefore, what you call problems are just lessons.You didn't lose anybody, the ones who passed away simply got ahead of us because we are just voyeurs headed in that direction. And, the best part of him, his love, will always stay in you heart.Who could say that Jesus is dead? There is no dead.. there is "moving". And on the other side there is great marvelous people: Gandhi, Miguel Angel, Whitman, St Agustin, Mother Theresa your grandpa and my mom among them, who believed poorness is closer to love since money distracts us with plenty of things and draws us apart since it makes us grow distrusted. Do whatever you love and you will be happy. Who does what he loves is blessedly condemned to success, which will arrive in the moment it must arrive since all that is to be will be, and will arrive naturally. Avoid doing things for obligation or engagement but for love. Then, you will reach plenitude and among all that plenitude anything will be possible with no effort, because it is moved by the natural force of life, the one that kept me going when the plane with my daughter and my wife felt down, the one that kept me alive when the doctors said I had only three or four months of life.God gave you the task of taking care of one human being, yourself. Only you will be able to make yourself free and happy. Only then you will be able to fully share your life with others. Remember these words: Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.Reconcile with yourself, sit in front of a mirror and think that the creature you see is a master piece of God, choose right now to be happy because happiness is an acquisition. Furthermore, happiness is not a right, but a duty because if you are unhappy, you will make unhappy everyone else around you. One single man without talent nor spunk to live, ordered the death of six millions of fellow Jews. There are so many things to enjoy and our journey in this land is so short that suffering is just a waste of time. We must learn to enjoy the coming snow, the spring flowers, the Perusa chocolate, the French baguette bread, the Mexican tacos, the Chilean wine, the Colombian coffee, the oceans, the rivers, the Brazilian football, the One Thousand and One Nights, books as the Divine Comedy, The Quixote or Pedro Paramo, romantic boleros by Manzanero, and for the intellectual poetry by Whitman, classical music by Mahler, Mozart, Chopin and Beethoven, paints by Rembrandt, Caravaggio, Velazquez, Picasso and Tamayo among other wonders.If you happen to have HIV or cancer, there is two things that could happen and both of them are good. If it beats you, it will liberate you from the bothersome body (I am hungry, I am cold, I am sleepy, I feel like..., I am right, I have doubts)... and, if you beat it,you will be humbled, more grateful...therefore you will be happy and pleased easily, relieved from any guilt, responsibility and vanity, ready to live every moment profoundly as it should be.You are not depressed, you are just unemployed. Help that child that needs you, that child who will be partners with your son. Help the elders so the youngsters will help you when you grow old. Remember that serving others is a certain happiness,like when you care for nature for those to come. Give without limits and you will receive much more than you expect. Love until you become the most loved, even more, until you become the pure essence of Love. Do not be confused by those few homiciders and suiciders. Goodness is bigger although you can see it because it is silent. A bomb makes more noise than a caressing but there are millions of caressings feeding life per each destroying bomb. Isn´t it worth it? If God had a freezer, He would have your picture on it; if He had a wallet, He would have your picture in it. He sends flowers to you every spring. He sends you a sunrise every morning. He is ready to listen every time you are willing to talk. He could live every place in the universe He likes but He chooses your heart. He is crazy about you!! Face it, my friend!! God never promised you days without pain; Laughter without sorrow,sun without rain but He did promise strength for your every single day,consolation to your tears and light in your way."When life gives you one thousand reasons for crying, show that you have one thousand and one reasons to brake into a smile".

December 3, 2008

Feeling blue.

Today all day long I felt a bit down, there are always reasons it seems like. Anyways I was looking on YOUTUBE for Odetta. She died today and NPR had a profile on her, I was curious to see some of her stuff. In my little research I enter BLUES (cause it's the best kinda music when you are blue) on the search box thingy and this is one of the first videos that came up. Made no sense to me but I watched it anyways.

These are the moments that make me think that someone is watching over me and they have a sense of humor, I was laughing pretty hard, I was blue no longer.

December 1, 2008


This past weekend I found a good deal on a copy of Persepolis. I was so freakin excited. If you haven't seen it, you should!, it won an Oscar for animation earlier this year. It's a biography of the artist Marjane Satrapi growing up in Iran. Here is the trailer for it: